YuGiOh! Crackshots!
by 0Permanent Hiatus0
Summary: I GET BORED SO EASY! Any way this has oocness, yaoi, boy/boy , randomness, stupidity, cursing and bashing of all the people including characters I hate wont this be fun! I may update this but for now it's done.
1. Chapter 1

TIME TO DRABBLE!

Yugi- whoo?

HELLZ YEAH I GET TO BE WEIRD

Yami- ur always weird

...true. Any way this first one is REALLY OOC cus Yami is a panzy, Yugi has anger issues and Bakura is really british!...Oh wait he is british

Bakura- THATS RYOU U WANKER!

-.- wat ever twat!

Bakura- 0.0 (grumbles) Rachel would own Yugioh but last time she tryed to take it the owner karate choped her brain.

Which is why this is gunna be REALLY retarted.

Warning- bad spelling/grammer, Eventual Tea/Anzu bashing, swearing and pavertedness wont this be fun!

Yami and Yugi are sitting in the living room. Yugi is reading a tradgety/vampire novel called 'Doomed to a Soul of Fear. -a novel I wrote a year back- Yami is glomping Yugi for dear life, which it starting to get annoying! Yami purrs and nuzzles Yugi only adding to his fustration because he cant consetrate and he wanted to finish this book to get to the sequal 'Grave of the Prince & Birth of the War' -the one Im working on- Yugi dosn't know but Yami is REALLY, VERRY, UTTERLY DRUNK!

Yami- (nuzzles Yugi) I wuvz u hikari!

Yugi- (reads) -.- yeah what ever could you stop hugging me now?

Yami- (sniff and starts to cry) W-why I thought you wuved me!

Yugi- (sigh) (stands and slams book on coffe table) RA YOU'RE SUCH A PANSEY ASS WUSS! YOU'RE SO CLINGY! I KNOW 3000 YEARS IN A BOX MIGHT NOT OF BEEN FUN BUT JEEZE!

Yami- (sniff sniff) Hikari?

Yugi- (storms out holding book tightly in grip grumbling something like 'baka no pharoah never shuts his damnd mouth. I should walk like the egyptians and cut out his toung!')

Yami- (drunken burp) Holey hell I think theres a dragon an my eyeball mr.fuzzy! (talking to an imaginery green hippo with a beird and a bandana on his head -it's actualy grandpa-) (falls over unconciose) (singing in sleep) I know a song that gets on every body's nerves!

Grandpa- (laughs)

Yugi- (from kitchen) (throws a frying pan at Yami and hitting right between the eyes)

Yami- (half dead)

Yugi- Ah! Peace and quiet!

The door bell then rings and Grandpa answers. A hyper Jounuchi runs into the game shop up to the house throws of his shoes -that ended up in Yami's face which made Yugi laugh- off his feet and runs too Yugi

Jou- YUG'!! U GATTA HELP ME! SETO...HORNEY...BAD PAIN IN ASS!!

Yugi sighed and hit Jou with another frying pain

Yugi- There now he wont do any thing!

Seto- (runs in) (sees Jou unconciose) SWEET (grabs Jou and runs of with a lustful and evil smirk)

Yugi- o.O what...the...fuck?? (looks over to Yami) Yami I love you

Yami- MI TWO!! (glomps)

Yugi- (grumbles)

Toldya it'd be retarded and this is just the begining any way review and make me smile...actualy dont make me smile! I dont like smiling! Just give me a cookie and then I'll be happy -just not smiling- yeah any way CLICK THE DAMND BUTTON!! BEFORE I SEND RABID HAMPSTERS WITH LIP GLOSS TO EAT YOUR FRUITY BRAINS!!


	2. Canada, voldka, and horney Seto

YET ANOTHER IDIOT...THING

Ryou-...

Bakura- -.- Ray's friend nikki asked her to tape her getting her brains karate choped but she was to scared to try and take YGO again (what a baby)

-.- any way to make up for it Im writing this!!

Look at the last chappie for all the needed items that i refuse to rewrite

Bakura- I SHALL RULE CANADIA!!

Ryou- Love, it's Canada and why are you going to take over Canada

Bakura-...Because those stupid ass holes wont stop say 'ai'!

Ryou-...Has any one ever told you you're an idiot

Bakura-..Yes, Pharoah, Malik, Marik, Joey, Kaiba, Rachel, You, and that creepy hampster that lives in

Ryou-...what hampster

Bakura- the canadian one

Ryou- -.- shut up and get naked!

Bakura- MAYBE I DONT WANNA!

Seto- (runs in chasing Joey) IM HORNEY DAMNIT!

Ryou- 0.0

Bakura- 0.0

Yami- (walks in) (steals 8 bottles of voldka) (leaves)

Ryou- 0.0

Bakura- 0.0

Yugi- (walks in) (looks at idiots ) -.- I need pie

Ryou- -.- blarg

Bakura- ai?

Ryou- (takles)

0.0 okkkkkkkkk tht was strange and not funny in the leasy...i tried! OH WELL NO FLAMING OR DIE AND BE COVERD IN BURNING MARSHMELLOS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR FLESH GOOY AND BURNED!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

All- (backs away)

REVIEW OR...same threat as last time just cuz im to lazy to make a new one!


	3. JACK AND YUGI! wait WHATJack and Sally

OK! I'm bak!!!! so heres mi next chappie! It's based in Halloween.

CHECK THE 1ST CHAPTER

--------

Yami- YUUUUUGI! We're gunna be late!

Yugi- (comes down in naughty school girl outfit) -.- alright alright

Yami- 0.0 (nose bleed) uh....

Yugi- -.- (blush) it was on a dare

Yami- O-OK...l-lets g-go

Yugi- (sigh) fine

----

Yugi and Yami walk in to the kaiba mansion. It took 3 and a half weeks but some how Jou had gotten the cold CEO to hold a Halloween party. It was such a surprise that Seto didn't want anything from Jou, but he DID want something from Yugi, hence his outfit.

Every one including; Jou, Ryou, Malik, Marik, Bakura, Mokuba, Kaiba, Mai, Anzu, Honda, Rachel, Sara, Emily, Chris, Skyler, Nick, Duke, and Rebeca were there.

Yugi and Yami walked into the Kaiba mansion at around 7:30, Yami wearing a Jack Sparrow costume** (THT'D B SO HOT)** and Yugi in his school girl out fit, that was basically a short plaid mini skirt, and white blouse tied at the bottom showing Yugi's midriff, high black heels, and his hair in pony tails. Of course he had allot of make up on as well. It was tied together with a lollipop in Yugi's mouth.

Every one's mouth dropped, except Seto's and Yami's- who was to busy thinking about playing a teacher's pet game with Yugi. _AH BAD THOUGHTS YUGI DOSN'T EVEN LIKE ME LIKE THAT! _

They all heard a gasp and Anzu ran up to the look alike's, she wore the same outfit as Yugi- only she did it by choice.

Anzu- ZOMG YUGI YOU'RE SUCH A LIL SCANK! (glaring)

Yugi- 0.0 (glares) I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE YOU CHOSE TO WEAR THAT!

Anzu- SCREW THAT I LOOK HOT YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE!

Yami was getting pissed as well as Yugi

Yami- Anzu STFU YUGI'S HOTTER THEN YOU'LL EVER BE, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY HE LOOKS SO GO TO HELL (send her to shadow realm)

Yugi- 0.0 Y-Yami, di-did you j-just s-say you l-l-loved me???

Yami- 0.0.......AW CRAP! YUGI IM SO SORRY I REALLY AM ITS JUST THAT- MPHMPHMPH (cut off by Yugi kissing him)

Yugi- (pulls away) I love you too!

Yami- 0.0.....(picks up Yugi bridal style) Joey, guest room where!

Joey- 0.0 (points to room)

Yami- (leaves)

Yugi- (giggles)

Rachel- ..............so, Sara did you bring the camera?

Sara- (takes it out) way ahead of you

Emily, Rachel, and Sara all leave planning on selling the tape on E bay (don't own)

END not mi best but, eh

Yami- .....Yugi, do u still have that outfit

Yugi- Yeah? Why....Oh (runs away to bed room)

HEY CAN I WATCH?

Yami- NO!

Sara- We're gunna watch any way right?

HELL YA!!!

Emily- ill get the camera...

XDWOOHOO

All- REVIEW AND WE'LL SEND YOU A COPY OF THE TAPE


	4. WOOT! PUPPYSHIPPIN' FO' NIKKI!

**Just something quick for my friend, Nikki (ProtectorOfTheNameless).**

**I DONT OWN YGO!**

* * *

**WARNING!! YAOI! JOUXKAIBA!!! CROSS DRESSING!!! MENTION OF SEX!!!]**

Jou sat at the dining room table one morning eating some cheerios (Yugiohs....) when suddenly a small woman in a maid's uniform came down holding a small blue gift box. She walked to Jou who looked at her confused, his spoon sticking from his mouth. The maid, used to the boys antics, smiled and pulled the spoon from his mouth while rolling her chestnut eyes. She handed the blond the box and said: "Kaiba-sama wants you to have this. Hurry and open it, ok?" with that she left to finish her duties.

Jou blinked three times before opening the small box. Inside was a card shaped like a bow tie. The kind one would wear with a tux or something. Jou opened the card and saw the familiar scrawl of his lover, Seto. He read it out loud even though he was the only one there.

"Pup," He growled a bit. "I was originally going to do a scavenger type deal but decided that would be much to complicated for you're second rate mind so instead simply fallow these directions. Go to the guest room exactly 3 doors from our suite and allow the maids to blind fold and dress you. When they finish allow Umeko to direct you to our suite. I'll handle the rest. Love, Seto." Jou twitched at the remark about his intelligence but still, it was sweet...if only a little.

Jou couldn't help wonder why he had to change clothes though, and what was with the games? Why couldn't Seto just do what ever it was he was doing? Stupid game obsessed, anal retentive, sexy, rich bastard with a go complex...Oh well.

Jou stood and put his bowl in the sink before going to wear he knew the head maid, Umeko, resided. When he got there the brunette blind folded him with a silk blue scarf and lead him to the right room. When he got there he was poked and prodded at for at least an hour and when they finished his face felt a bit heavy and his legs felt cold. Finally they took off the blind fold but he had no chance to open his amber eyes as something was brushing against them and then the scarf was replaced. Now his eyes lids felt kind of heavy too.

Finally the maids lead him to what he assumed to be Seto's and his room. They took of the blind fold and he opened his eyes only to see Seto looking at him hungrily with his hard on tucked uncomfortably in the white pants of his suit. Jou didn't find this odd, Seto was a sex addict and he usually wore suits to work. Then again...he was off today...Jou shook the thought off and turned to where there was a floor to ceiling mirror. He gaped at what he saw. He was wearing a short, _short_, wedding dress with no sleeves and a tool bow in the back at his lower back that went to the floor. There was a big white rose covering his right shoulder and the skirt of the dress barely covered his ass! He was not happy _in the least. _**(In case you wanna know the dress is kind of like Katy Perry's in Hot n Cold) **

The dress was bad, but the worst was he was wearing make up! Gold/peach eyeshadow, pink blush, sheer lip gloss, a brown eye liner that made his eyes stand out. No wonder his face felt heavy!

"SETO!" He screamed, "What is this!? What's the point of us looking like this! If this is one of your pervy fantasies you're sleeping in another room for 2 months! I'm changing!" He was about to leave the room but Seto grabbed his wrist and turned him around. The taller had a slight frown of worry and sadness.

"Wait. There's a point to all this." He sighed. "This isn't really how I wanted this to go but I guess it's to be expected. I'm sorry you didn't like my way of asking but," He got on one knee and pulled out a ring with a sapphire in the middle and a ruby on the left and right of it. On the inside of the band it read, "If you live to be one hundred I wish to live to one hundred minus a day so I never have to live a day with out you." A quote held very dear to the blond's heart. **(Sorry, but I love Winnie the Poo)**

"Seto..." Jou whispered, shell shocked.

"Marry me pup." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. A plea if you will. If Jou refused...well lets just say Mokuba would be living with Jou's family and Seto would be living in a coffin 6 feet under. Yes, He left Mokuba with Jou should anything ever happened to him. He planned to ever since he realized he loved the blond. Far before they were together.

Jou tackled Seto to the ground, sobbing into his neck and nodding furiously. "Yes, yes, yes, Ra yes!" the blond mumbled as he planted kisses to his love's pail neck. Seto smiled largely for him and hugged the blond back. After a few minutes Seto's hard on came back and Jou's fallowed suit. Seto picked up the still crying tears of joy boy and placed him on the bed. The brunette kissed Jou tenderly and began kissing a trail to the top of the dress. He unzipped the garment and pulled it off before standing strait (leaving Jou bare and cold) and holding it out for inspection.

"You probably wont want to wear this for the wedding...or the honey moon huh?"

"...Get back down here and I'll think about it." With that Seto pounced.

**THE END~~~~**

**I know that I'm evil, you all have to just deal with it for now. XP BIBI!!!**


End file.
